There’s no denying it: Maintaining long-term relationships is challenging—and there will be obstacles along the journey. Even the strongest marriages undergo highs and lows, but couples who last have one vital trait in common: They tackle all challenges together and understand that a practical solution prioritizes their partnership. It’s the combined duo against those marital issues, rather than one person opposing the other. “You can’t solve couple problems individually,” states therapist Jocylynn Stephenson. “It almost always fails since you lack input from the other individual.”
Although the specifics of these issues differ from one couple to another, it’s reassuring to realize that many others are likely dealing with similar fundamental challenges as you do. Continue reading for insights into 10 of the most prevalent marital difficulties—and advice from our experts on how to navigate them together.
1. You experience communication difficulties.
Insufficient communication between married partners—or any couple for that matter—can lead to various problems in the relationship, asserts Dr. Tamika Torres, a psychologist. “This can result in feelings of isolation, frustration, and dissatisfaction within the marriage,” she explains. “Without transparent and sincere communication, misunderstandings can occur, leading to conflicts and resentment.” Ultimately, communication serves as the cornerstone of a relationship—and when it wavers, other essential aspects of the partnership begin to falter. For instance, if communication issues persist, emotional closeness decreases, along with your willingness to address significant concerns (which is when minor problems escalate into major ones). “In the end, couples find it challenging to articulate their needs, emotions, and desires, fostering a sense of emotional detachment,” adds Dr. Torres.
The Solution
This is arguably the single most vital action you could take for your marriage: Create open and consistent communication channels, according to Dr. Torres. “Practice active listening to ensure both partners feel acknowledged and understood,” she advises. “If communication challenges continue, contemplate seeking professional assistance, such as couples therapy, to foster constructive discussions and resolutions.”
2. You show little interest in each other’s hobbies.
It often begins with the best intentions: You wish for your partner to have independence and pursue their interests, even if you don’t entirely comprehend them. Simultaneously, you want to avoid overwhelming your partner with aspects you cherish that do not resonate with them. While these feelings stem from a positive place, they can foster distance in a marriage. “If we allow for excessive individuality, we risk ending up in silos,” says Stephenson. “Instead, we just tend to exist in parallel lives instead of intertwining our lives together.” This can result in a decline of intimacy and connectivity that is essential for a healthy relationship.
The Solution
Be deliberate about becoming more engaged. You don’t have to take on your partner’s hobbies as your own or become familiar with every detail about the specifics of their preferred football team. However, you should seek opportunities to share your interests. “Identify areas where both of you can connect so you maintain awareness of each other’s inner lives,” Stephenson explains. If you enjoy figure skating and an exciting competition is approaching, invite your partner to watch it with you. (Knowing that the engagement has a clear start and finish will make them more willing to participate.)
Conversely, if your partner is passionate about cycling, take time to inquire about that hobby. “It can be as simple as saying, ‘Hey, what’s happening with you? Are you planning any major rides soon? Who are you cycling with?’” Stephenson suggests. By genuinely staying informed about what matters to your partner, you affirm their interests—and reaffirm your marriage as a space to explore those passions together.
3. Your financial habits differ.
Not surprisingly, money is a significant source of conflict between married partners, especially concerning spending habits. However, there’s still hope even if one person tightly manages their finances while the other enjoys treating themselves.
In these situations, Stephenson usually begins counseling by guiding couples to explore the underlying reasons for their habits. “Much of our work as marriage therapists revolves around helping couples understand one another, so I start with what spending signifies to each of them,” she notes. “What lessons did you learn about handling money? What were your experiences growing up?” This establishes a foundation for more empathetic conversations about managing finances as a couple.
The Solution
Establish expectations for sharing. Examining each other’s purchases too closely can escalate tensions, so it’s vital to reach compromises in this area. A mix of joint and individual accounts can be very effective, but you will still want insight into your partner’s personal goals, habits, and aspirations. “Here, we discuss what it means to manage your finances,” explains Stephenson. “What are the major items you wish to have? What significant things are you saving toward? How does your spending pattern look from week to week?”
It’s also beneficial to set explicit expectations for handling larger financial choices. Collaborate to define what qualifies as “big”—it could be a certain financial threshold or an investment type, such as purchasing new stocks or exploring business opportunities—and agree on how to approach these decisions.
There isn’t a definitive correct approach: Some couples may prefer discussing everything in advance, while others may feel comfortable if one partner takes initiative but keeps the other informed afterward. Regardless, establishing clear guidelines and adhering to them will reduce unforeseen situations—which can feel like breaches of trust—later on.
4. You have different feelings about social media.
This marital issue has two dimensions. Some couples disagree on the appropriateness or extent of what one partner shares on social media, while others clash over the amount of time spent on these platforms. “For married couples, there exists a delicate balance between sharing and oversharing on social media,” confirms Dr. Torres. “In my practice, a frequent concern among married couples, particularly those in their 20s to early 40s, is oversharing and being less present.”
Revealing intimate aspects of a relationship or family life to the public can cause discomfort, insecurity, or even a sense of betrayal. “Partners may feel compelled to project a flawless image of their relationship online, which can lead to a facade of joy that doesn’t truly reflect their dynamics,” notes Dr. Torres, adding that some couples may also unrealistically compare themselves or their spouses to what they observe online. “This can create unattainable expectations and lead to feelings of inadequacy or discontent in the relationship.”
Moreover, technology acts as a distraction. “With smartphones, tablets, and other devices always within reach, couples may find themselves more focused on their screens than on one another,” says Dr. Torres. “Whether you’re browsing through posts, the kids are absorbed in their iPads, or your husband is working on his laptop at the kitchen counter, technology can interfere with quality time together, resulting in feelings of neglect and disconnection.”
The Solution
To address differing opinions about social media concerning sharing and time spent, start by aligning your perspectives. “Initiate a conversation about boundaries surrounding social media use and oversharing,” Dr. Torres recommends. “Set clear rules, such as establishing device-free times or areas, to ensure prioritization of quality moments together without digital distractions.”
5. You’ve fallen out of sync on intimacy.
Regarding sexual intimacy, a prevalent issue that Stephenson observes in marriages is differing desires and an unwillingness to communicate openly about it. “There can be a significant amount of shame, judgment regarding performance, and pressure to conform to certain expectations, which prevents us from discussing it honestly,” Stephenson states. Thus, making open dialogue on this topic a crucial initial step.
The Solution
Employ a dual approach. “Step one is understanding the background,” says Stephenson. “What did sex and intimacy look like prior to the decline?” Recognizing the root cause of a problem is essential for resolving it, so she encourages couples to discuss what has contributed to the change.
Step two involves identifying where each partner desires to go moving forward. If those levels of desire align, explore ways to eliminate or circumvent the obstacles keeping you from reaching that point. If they do not align, ensure each partner understands how to best meet the other’s needs while respecting their personal boundaries. While it may not be a foolproof solution, putting in the effort can significantly demonstrate to your spouse that their needs are valued. When approached in a nurturing, safe environment, it can also open the door to new experiences that enhance your personal sexual satisfaction.
6. Jealousy has surfaced once again.
Although one might believe that this insecurity originates from fears of physical betrayal, Stephenson observes that this is generally not the case. “More often than not, I find that partners feel jealous about the closeness their significant others share with other people,” she explains. “It’s usually more about the emotional connection.”
The Solution
Reinvest in your partnership. Addressing this kind of jealousy revolves around sharing your inner feelings. “It really involves giving someone more of your time, more attention, and more of yourself,” Stephenson notes. “In my experience, couples who maintain close friendships outside of their marriage but don’t feel jealousy are actively working to sustain emotional closeness. When your partner receives enough of that, they are typically content.”
7. It seems like you’re evolving in different directions.
It’s natural for individuals to change in various ways over a long-term relationship, and these changes may sometimes cause you to question your compatibility. Perhaps the partner once focused on their career has shifted their ambitions towards achieving fulfillment in family life, or the spouse who initially desired to be closer to relatives now dreams of retiring in a secluded cabin in the woods.
These differences may appear as insurmountable obstacles, but it’s crucial to understand that while your specific aspirations may have altered, you likely still share the same fundamental goals. “Overall, couples desire happiness and emotional stability, and they aim to eventually retire,” Stephenson states. “Those are the key overarching goals, while the rest are just details.”
The Solution
Connect with your partner where they are right now. A part of the issue is feeling unfamiliar with your spouse, so make the effort to rediscover them. “I encourage couples to dedicate time for significant intimacy tasks,” says Stephenson, who utilizes prompts from The Gottman Institute to foster meaningful conversations. (Topics cover greatest fears, best friends, life aspirations, and more.) “By providing couples with these questions, I essentially invite them to familiarize themselves with each other again, and to do so positively.”
Gaining a deep understanding of your partner’s hopes and dreams allows for greater flexibility in finding shared interests. Maybe they don’t specifically need a cabin in the woods, but rather the sense of privacy or connection to nature that it represents. Discovering ways to meet those desires in a setting that also brings you joy could be essential for a successful future together.
8. You have differing views on parenting.
You may both agree on wanting children—but do you know if your parenting styles are similar or complementary? “Conflicts regarding parenting can become a significant source of tension between married couples,” Dr. Torres states. “When parents hold different beliefs, values, or approaches to raising children, it can lead to disputes and strain in the relationship; one partner may feel unsupported by the other.” Parenting style is one of the areas that can create conflict; you may want to enforce specific rules, while your partner may adopt a much more lenient approach. “This not only can confuse the children—it might also undermine the other parent’s authority,” Dr. Torres notes.
The Solution
You can’t entirely predict how you’ll parent until you actually become parents—but discussing hypothetical situations beforehand can be beneficial. If issues arise after your family grows, “engage in open discussions to better understand each other’s parenting styles and beliefs,” advises Dr. Torres. “Aim for compromises that reflect a collaborative parenting approach, emphasizing teamwork rather than opposition.” By aligning on parenting methods and objectives, you’ll reinforce your connection and co-parent effectively.
9. You both feel uninterested.
A sense of monotony can quietly undermine a relationship. What steps do you take when there isn’t an obvious issue, but you’ve both become unaware of what makes your connection unique? Boredom usually shows up as a dwindling excitement, and it can adversely affect a marriage if it’s not addressed.
The Solution
Address the problem directly. “If I notice a couple is growing apart because they believe they know everything about each other, I tell them they’re mistaken,” says Stephenson. “Their partner has evolved and changed. If you can’t recognize that, then it’s time to open your eyes.”
If boredom stems from repetitiveness in your life together, the most effective action is to communicate this to your partner in a way that encourages finding a solution. “Externalize the issue,” suggests Stephenson. “Where does your boredom originate, and what actions do you want to take?” For instance, if it seems that interesting conversations are lacking, assess how you spend your individual time. Are you reading, exploring new hobbies, or engaging in activities that can inspire engaging discussions? Sometimes, improving your relationship requires focusing on your own growth first.
10. You need to enhance your conflict resolution abilities.
Disagreements are a typical aspect of married life—but are you aware of how to effectively stop, learn from, and move beyond conflict? If your arguments seem to be ongoing or recurring, you may have issues with conflict resolution. “When couples face challenges in resolving conflicts, it can put a strain on the relationship,” shares Dr. Torres. “A common problem is ineffective communication, where partners find it difficult to articulate their emotions and needs to one another. This can lead to misunderstandings, accumulated feelings, and a lack of understanding.” When you don’t resolve these disputes, you risk losing sight of each other’s viewpoints, “creating a cycle of blame and defensiveness instead of a collaborative attempt to achieve a resolution,” she adds.
The Solution
It’s crucial to cultivate and practice effective conflict resolution techniques that emphasize respect, empathy, and understanding. After an argument, “take time for self-reflection and emotional management before discussing matters to avoid escalations,” advises Dr. Torres. Alternatively, think about scheduling weekly check-ins that allow both you and your partner to emotionally connect—and create space for shared reflection. “Concentrate on discovering mutually advantageous solutions through compromise and refrain from personal attacks or disrespectful actions,” emphasizes Dr. Torres.