The average individual spends two hours and 27 minutes daily on social media. That accumulates to over five years of life dedicated to scrolling, posting, and liking. Since social media has become such an integral part of our daily routines, it’s unsurprising that it can sometimes lead to tension and conflicts within relationships.
Communication specialist Leslie Shore describes social media as a double-edged sword. This is because while it offers quick and effective communication, it can also alter the way people interact.
Although there are no definitive guidelines for using social media within a relationship (or while single), there are certainly important insights that might aid you and your partner. Additionally, in today’s world, many relationships begin through social media, making it challenging to break certain habits that could become more harmful than beneficial over time.
Do you want to ensure your phone doesn’t interfere with your life, particularly with your relationships, both new and old? Allow an expert in communication to provide advice on what couples should consider regarding social media usage.
Starting a romantic relationship through social media can be complicated.
With the rise of dating apps and websites in the ever-changing dating scene, many singles turn to social media to create initial impressions and engage in conversations prior to meeting face-to-face. Social media has emerged as a contemporary meeting place where individuals can check for mutual friends with potential partners and verify their relationship status. “I believe it’s just as valid a way to meet people as any other method,” says Shore. However, she cautions to be cautious when meeting someone in person for the first time after connecting online. “You’re only aware of what they’ve chosen to share on that platform.”
There’s no substitute for face-to-face communication.
If you’re in a serious partnership, there are additional aspects to consider. According to Shore, no form of virtual communication can replace the authenticity of real-life interactions. While social media might not necessarily destroy relationships, it can create issues if you and your partner depend too heavily on these alternative communication methods. “You must be able to observe someone’s eye contact, their micro-expressions, and the tone of their voice, which you cannot do through social media,” explains Shore. Although you likely interact with your significant other more in person than online, it’s crucial to reflect on the importance of these face-to-face interactions for fostering a strong relationship. Miscommunication can easily occur when not engaging in person, whether through social media or text messages. Shore states, “it’s not an optimal platform for deepening your connection.”
Avoid comparing your relationship with others.
“Relationships must be unique and not measured against others,” Shore emphasizes. This becomes especially crucial when you witness snippets of other couples’ lives on social media. Every relationship is distinct, and each couple has their own approach to communication, emotional expression, and quality time. However, seeing friends or coworkers enjoy lavish vacations or remarkable dates can make it difficult not to evaluate your own relationship. It’s vital to keep in mind that what you observe on social media is just a partial view of reality. “They may be busy, but you have no idea about their happiness or lack thereof…you’re only viewing a moment; you don’t see the complete picture,” notes Shore.
Consider your partner’s feelings before sharing posts.
Social media allows stories to be shared instantaneously, which often doesn’t allow for careful thought regarding every picture and comment shared. However, when you’re in a relationship, Shore stresses the importance of contemplating how your posts might affect your partner. “This demands a greater level of maturity,” she asserts. You might not have control over what others post about you, but you can manage what you choose to share and how you engage with others.
It’s essential to realize when to keep certain aspects of your relationship private and when it’s appropriate to include others. “Social media inherently involves multiple individuals, so when discussing romantic relationships—especially love relationships—we must remember that in-person interactions outweigh social media every time.” If something intimate is happening between you and your partner, it’s best to prioritize being present together before turning to social media to involve others in that experience.
Establishing device-free zones is essential. Regardless of the numerous studies highlighting reasons to avoid technology before bedtime or in the bedroom, it’s easy to end a night of watching movies by scrolling through social media.
Not only can this impact your sleep patterns, but it might also be damaging your relationship. “I view the bedroom as a space free from devices,” Shore states. “If there’s a device present, who truly has your focus? It’s the device, not the partner you share your bed with. That’s not beneficial for relationships, point blank.”
Keeping phones and laptops out of the bedroom when you’re with your partner could foster deeper connections. Consider placing your chargers in the kitchen or living room to keep distractions out of the bedroom. If making the whole area device-free seems unattainable, you might begin by consciously avoiding devices during date nights or moments of quality time together.
Focus on the Person Right in Front of You
It’s become increasingly common to casually check your phone in nearly any setting, making it easy to overlook how using your device while with others can affect them. Moreover, since a smartphone can do everything from capturing the ideal photo to displaying a menu from your favorite eatery, it’s simple to fall into the habit of checking Instagram or Facebook while you’re out. “It’s the individual in front of you who matters,” Shore emphasizes. According to her, if you can’t resist glancing at your phone while with your significant other, it signals to them that they will always be a secondary priority.
Even if responding to a notification at dinner seems harmless, it could be more harmful than you realize. “Going out for dinner should be an activity where you can converse, connect, and enhance your relationship.” Allowing external people, images, and news to divert your attention detracts from the meaningful exchanges that could occur with the person right there with you—the one who’s important in that moment.
Social Media Can Enhance a Relationship
Not all aspects are negative. Social media can have a positive influence on relationships in several ways. It’s common to see friends and family share affectionate pictures of their partner with romantic captions. While there are days when this might not be what you want to see, small gestures like this can brighten your loved one’s day while reaching a wide audience.
It ultimately revolves around recognition, according to Shore. “They want to feel acknowledged, they need to know they’re important, and social media can serve as a wonderful medium for this through the posting of small notes or videos that show that person they’re on your mind in a loving way.” Nonetheless, Shore highlights that nothing can replace face-to-face communication, concluding, “The truth is this: You can’t physically connect with someone through a cell phone.”