Remembering a time before social media is challenging for many. Nowadays, we have a view into the lives of friends, family, and even strangers, including celebrities who seem familiar through their ever-present Instagram posts. While social networking has enhanced relationships—such as allowing us to maintain connections worldwide, boost our careers, and even discover romance—it can also adversely affect romantic partnerships, according to experts.
“Men and women are consistently exposed to images depicting what an ‘ideal’ relationship should be, which can create significant pressure on relationships that don’t meet the unrealistic standards set by famous couples,” explains Jonathan Bennett, relationship expert and life coach. Consequently, this instills a “grass is greener” mindset, leading many individuals to seek “better” options outside their current relationships. “Social media can be motivating in many respects, but it can also impose expectations and pressures to present your relationship in a specific manner,” adds licensed mental health therapist Wale Okerayi. “These demands can result in disappointments and feelings of dissatisfaction over time, negatively impacting the relationship.”
Moreover, how we showcase (or choose not to showcase) our relationships on social media reflects their status significantly. For example, airing grievances about your partner on platforms like Twitter (X) or Instagram often suggests a lack of respect for the privacy of your relationship. Conversely, frequently posting about your relationship may imply that you feel the need to demonstrate something to the world.
We consulted experts to uncover what your social media behavior might reveal about your relationship. Here’s everything you should know based on your posting patterns.
For Those Who Vent About Their Relationship
Whether out of annoyance or humor, sharing your relationship complaints on social media usually backfires, especially if it makes your partner feel exposed. “This violates both your partner’s and your relationship’s privacy, illustrating a desperate need to feel significant and be acknowledged,” states Jane Greer, Ph.D., a relationship expert based in New York. “It’s far more crucial to view your relationship through your own lens rather than frame it for public scrutiny.” She recommends keeping any sensitive information private.
Okerayi adds that airing grievances about your relationship “can harm your partner as you’re exposing their private experiences without their consent. It might also bias your perspective, leading you to be less receptive to your partner’s point of view, which breeds resentment.”
For Those Who Rarely Post About Their Relationship
If you seldom use social media, it’s not surprising—nor is it a concern—if your feed lacks posts about your significant other. However, if you frequently share content and only include your relationship occasionally, a few conclusions can be drawn. Bennett notes that your minimal relationship posts could suggest you are embarrassed by or do not value your partnership. Alternatively, it may indicate that you prioritize privacy and intimacy, feeling no need to publicize your personal life. As Okerayi states, “Ultimately, it depends on the significance of social media for both you and your partner. If you perceive your partner as concealing you from others online, that’s problematic. But if social media holds little importance for both parties, and you don’t sense concealment, then all is well.”
For Those Who Post About Their Relationship Nonstop
If your primary reason for logging onto social media is to comment on or share pictures of your relationship, it may signal a need to prove something to others, according to matchmaker Rori Sassoon. “Participating and tagging your partner in everything you do indicates a relationship that’s either insecure or codependent,” she asserts. “If it’s your partner constantly tagging you in their posts, it might indicate they want to assert ownership over you or show signs of dependency.”
Okerayi elaborates, “We live in a society where we tend to share our experiences to connect with others in similar situations. However, when it comes to relationships, this tendency can be detrimental. Discussing both the highs and lows of your relationship publicly not only opens the door for others to make assumptions and give unsolicited advice but also invites them to comment freely about you and your partner. Maintaining some privacy can ultimately benefit your relationship in the long run.”
For Those Who Share About Their Partner Occasionally
If the posts about your relationship are evenly balanced with other subjects you often discuss, such as your job, love for animals, or fitness routine, you’re likely in a healthy situation—and you likely share your significant other online because they bring you joy. “This type of posting behavior provides others a glimpse into your relationship without exposing your entire life,” Sassoon states. “It indicates that you have a healthy relationship that doesn’t require validation from others.”
For Those Who Regularly Write Love Letters to Their Partner
If you frequently feel compelled to share love letter posts about your partner with everyone—not just on special occasions like their birthday or Valentine’s Day—this may signal insecurity in your relationship. “Expressing love for your partner is a beautiful gesture, but, like everything, moderation is key,” Sassoon emphasizes. “Consider giving your followers a break and diversify your posts with other interests.” In simpler terms, keep your love letters intimate and personal, as they are meant to be, Sassoon advises.
For Those Who Only Share Pictures If They’re Flawless
The way we share images on social media reveals much about our happiness and security in our relationships. For instance, if you’re someone who only shares a photo when both individuals appear perfect and perhaps frequently alters images using one of the many photo-editing apps out there, you might be feeling dissatisfaction with yourself, your relationship, or both. “This might indicate that you’re trying to persuade either yourself or others that the relationship is ideal, even when it’s not, and you are avoiding addressing issues that need attention,” Bennett explains.
For Those Who Exclusively Post Selfies
While there’s nothing wrong with snapping a great selfie (especially when the lighting is perfect), if your feed is filled solely with photos of yourself, it suggests that seeking attention is your primary goal. “If your posts consist only of selfies, crop your partner from pictures, and hardly mention them, it’s evident that your relationship isn’t a significant focus for you,” Bennett mentions. “You seem to be prioritizing attention and self-promotion over showcasing your relationship.”
How would our lives change without social media? Since our phones often greet us first thing in the morning and bid us goodnight, it’s natural to question how social media influences every aspect of our lives, including our relationships. While social media provides advantages—like keeping in touch with loved ones, gathering wedding ideas, networking, or forming new friendships—online experiences can impact our offline realities. It may become troubling if one partner’s online activity alters the dynamics of their relationship.
Romantic connections can initiate via social media, but they can also suffer due to it. Whether it’s a “like” on a post or one partner communicating with others online, it’s easy to feel jealous of what our partner experiences digitally. But what occurs when the issue isn’t about who we interact with, but rather the fact that we are using social media? If you’ve ever felt like you’re competing with your partner’s phone for their focus, you are not alone. The time we allocate to our devices can influence how we engage with our partners in real life. We consulted expert and author Leslie Shore to shed light on recognizing when the internet is causing problems.
Below, continue reading to explore how social media impacts relationships.
Reflect on Your Online Time
Shore points out that our social media usage can influence how we communicate with those we care about. “Studies indicate that, on average, we spend two or more hours daily on social media,” Shore notes. She cautions that nurturing relationships online can negatively impact our offline connections. “Those with limited experience in reading interpersonal cues may lack the social intelligence that previous generations possessed. If this becomes the norm, establishing and maintaining strong, meaningful relationships will require more time and effort.”
When we find ourselves frequently glued to our phones, scrolling through Instagram, checking the news, or reviewing emails, we must learn to balance this with offline time. It is especially crucial to make sure we do not overlook our loved ones in favor of screen time.
“The grip our devices have on us remains unnoticed until someone points it out,” states Shore, emphasizing that we frequently prioritize our phones over the people around us. “It’s nearly impossible to build or deepen relationships when social media is initially diverting our time and focus from those present.”
So, how can we maintain strong relationships in the digital age? Shore offers some tips for preventing social media from hindering our connections.
Exercise Caution in Early Relationship Stages
Although excessive social media use can be detrimental at any relationship phase, Shore highlights that it’s particularly harmful in the initial stages.
“When a relationship begins, we give attention to the other person because we desire to learn more about them,” she explains. “We listen to their preferences, backstories, family dynamics, aspirations, and fears. We invest hours in conversation discovering details about each other; no detail is too trivial, no narrative too lengthy. The early relationship development is filled with novelty and surprises. It’s vital that cell phones are out of sight during conversations to maintain complete focus on one another.”
Shore also cautions against the risks of misinterpretations via text, especially when unfamiliar with each other: “Text communication should remain positive and straightforward,” she advises. “Avoid letting jokes or sarcasm slip in, as these can be misread and create misunderstandings right away.”
If you sense a disconnect when communicating with your partner online or through texts, it may be wise to focus on face-to-face interactions (or consider phone calls when meeting isn’t possible).
Think Twice Before Commenting and Posting
While sharing internet humor or posts can enhance your bond, your partner’s social media activity may also raise issues. If they’ve shared something you oppose or present a different facet of themselves online, consider how you would address this in person—waiting until you can discuss it face-to-face might be the better option. Shore stresses the importance of being considerate of our partners during online interactions.
“Avoid reacting to a post or comment out of emotional impulse,” she advises. “Take time to digest what you’ve seen or read, and give yourself a moment to contemplate your feelings before responding in anger or frustration. Remember, everyone has the right to their own views.”
Similarly, while sharing every aspect of your life on social media can be tempting, recognize that your partner may have different comfort levels. If it’s something you wouldn’t discuss openly with your neighbors, colleagues, or distant acquaintances in real life, it likely doesn’t belong online either. “Keep your personal discussions private,” Shore recommends. “There’s no need to publicize your private life. Commentary about your partner’s selection for your birthday gift or gossiping about your significant other are better left away from the public eye.”
Avoid responding to a post or comment in a heated moment. Keep in mind that everyone is entitled to their opinions.
Always Prioritize Your Loved Ones
Although there are inherent risks when navigating social media and relationships, there are strategies to keep your communication robust. Shore emphasizes the importance of emphasizing your real-life interactions together instead of primarily engaging online to create a strong foundation for your relationship.
“Stay authentically connected with those who are important,” she advises. “Refrain from wishing your family a happy birthday on Facebook—call them or visit in person. Rather than sending invites, thank-you cards, and holiday greetings online, send your loved ones something tangible that they can cherish forever.”
As your online social network expands, Shore suggests being considerate of other people’s beliefs and values. “Be aware of who your friends are,” she notes. “Before sharing your views on politics or religion or posting something controversial, think about your audience. Is it worth creating discord with your relatives, friends, or colleagues?”
Regardless of how you navigate your online presence, it’s wise to consider your relationships in person first. This doesn’t mean you have to completely set aside your phone, so there’s no need to eliminate your favorite apps. Social media can be enjoyable, entertaining, and an excellent way to stay connected with distant friends.
Find a healthy balance between both online and offline worlds. When your online fun integrates smoothly with your real-life relationships, you’ll find that wonderful new experiences can arise from enjoying both simultaneously.